dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
