unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
