You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
