It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
foreskin is a definite game changer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
