You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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