I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
