Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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