That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
