What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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