i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
