she smelled like a LAN party
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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