What a fucking waste of an outfit
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
