I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
