His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My vagina is officially offended.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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