The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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