You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
