I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
