just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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