I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
