he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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