is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
