I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
