Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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