She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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