You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
