why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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