then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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