It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
