nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
