Cold hands, warm shart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
