what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
