No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
