Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
