im drinking this country out of the recession.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
