Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
