dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
