So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
