Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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