There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize