Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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