I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize