google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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