You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
