You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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