I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
