she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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