my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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