We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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