the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize