walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
