and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
