You made me cry and you don't even care
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
