The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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