I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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