i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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