this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
