You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
