she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
