I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
