What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize