i don't like sucking hair
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
