i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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