I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
