She's JV to your varsity
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
