i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
