She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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