I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
