butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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