so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
