Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize