dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
