Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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