i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
