his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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