True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize