The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
