If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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