Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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