I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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