Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
