its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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