Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she pinky promised me she was 18
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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