just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
